But it seems invasive to the victims to impose myself like some snuff-film viewer. As a taxpaying citizen and voter, I view these men and women as working on my behalf. I’ve been struggling to decide whether to watch the growing number of videos of police shootings. But evidence shows that it is pretty unreliable, and my guess is that it’s not likely to be more reliable when applied to your father. You’re basically relying on your ‘‘gaydar’’ here. Human sexuality is complicated one high-school crush doesn’t settle the question. What you have, it seems to me, is a hunch. Name Withheldįirst, you can’t be guilty of ‘‘hiding the truth’’ unless you’re in possession of the truth. Plus, she may have already figured it out and resolved it in her own way (though, if that were so, I expect she would have mentioned it to me, her gay son). Even if my father really was keeping a secret, there’s no way to know whether he broke a commitment to her. I’m hard-pressed to think of a way my story could benefit my mother, who is now in her 80s. The only thing of which I am certain is that he let me down. But it’s possible that he invented his ‘‘confession’’ in a misguided attempt to help me, abandoning the strategy after it failed. Am I obliged to tell my mother any of this? The thought that I have been complicit in hiding the truth from her makes me uncomfortable.
